Humor
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HELP I’M IN THE TUB AND I CAN’T GET OUT!
Look what I just bought myself for Christmas! Remember that commercial where an old lady was on the floor and said, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up?” It used to make me laugh. Not anymore. I finally took my first bath in this tiny tub since replacing both my knees. For reference, it… Read more
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S-T-R-E-T-C-H
You can see from this picture that I’m flexible. What you can’t see are my two, artificial knees, spinal scoliosis, achy hip and temperamental shoulder due to a long-ago dislocation. I started doing yoga in my teens, 50 years ago. Nothing fancy but I still do a little bit every day. Now, it only takes about 10 minutes a day to… Read more
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PERFORM LIKE YOU’RE 20 AGAIN!
This was the title of an email which recently hit my inbox. Since I’d just had a performance in LA and struggled with my arthritic fingers on guitar, I wondered what secret lay inside. I clicked on it. Turns out, the ‘performance’ it referred to was not on stage but rather in the bedroom. It pictured a guy holding… Read more
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TROUBLE WITH A little ‘t’
I think we should spend less time putting warning labels on products and redirect them onto people. Wouldn’t it be nice if you were out somewhere and someone walked up with a shirt that said, “Caution. Do not engage this guy in conversation. He’s never read a book?” Mine would say, “Be careful what you ask her. No telling what… Read more
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KEEP IT DOWN?
“Your voice is really loud,” a complete stranger said to me yesterday at pickleball. “Yes, I know,” I replied. “I could hear you on the court from here,” he continued. “That’s not surprising,” I said. “We’re only about 6 feet away.” “Well,” he continued, “I also notice you’re wearing headphones.” “Yes,” I replied, “but I haven’t… Read more
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YOUNG AGAIN?
There is no instruction book for aging. The label on an aspirin bottle is infinitely more informative. As if losing your hearing and sight weren’t enough, your brain does odd things. Yesterday, I went into the garage three, separate times. Each time, I brought an item to put in the recycling bin but I knew that wasn’t why… Read more
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TRY THIS AT HOME?
Suddenly, I wake at midnight struggling for breath. After an hour of tossing and turning, I turn on all the lights and pace, certain that will kickstart my breathing. When that fails, I march outside in 29- degree weather, confident the cold will startle my windpipe open. By the time I call 911, two hours… Read more
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LIFE’S LOVELY LABYRINTH
I stumbled upon this labyrinth last week and decided to walk it. Oh, what temptation there was to head straight to the center! But as I took the circuitous route, passing places I’d been but now from a different perspective, I realized how well it parallels life: There is only one way in and one way out. What matters… Read more
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I WANT WHAT SHE’S HAVING
Recently, I asked one of my teenaged clients, “What do you think almost everyone I see has in common?” “They’re all crazy?” he replied. “No,” I said. “They all compare themselves to someone else who has something they don’t.” “Even you?” he asked. “Yes, even me. I would love to be young and strong again, like you. But… Read more
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AN IMPATIENT PATIENT
I’d love to meet the brilliant idiot who first called a doctor’s client a ‘patient,’ because that’s the last thing I am. Can you remember the last time your doctor was actually ON TIME? I can’t. This has nothing to do with the pandemic and everything to do with the endemic, habitual tardiness among those… Read more
AGEFULLY AGING 