GETTING DUMBER BY THE SECOND?

bruised hand

 Aging causes us to lose our brain-processing speed. Typically, we lose a tenth of a second of brain speed per decade from age 20 on. This minute change is very difficult to notice, even for the most tuned-in individuals, because aging occurs at a constant rate.

Well, I may have lost 45 milliseconds of brain speed in the last 45 years, but I am NOT as slow-brained as the 20-something woman who parked at Trader Joe’s this morning. Not by a long shot. I ask you, who parks a brand new SUV and leaves BOTH the driver’s door and the passenger door WIDE OPEN??

Unfortunately, after circling around, the only spot available was next to this car. So, carefully I pulled in, hugging the right line of my parking spot. I kept looking for the driver but there was no one in sight. As I squeezed myself out, a voice behind me suddenly shrieked: “Oh My God! You parked so close to my car!!!”

I turned to see a young woman holding a, single, grocery bag in her hand. For a moment I was flummoxed. Finally I replied: “Well, unlike you, Dear, I’m parked well within my spot. Intelligent people don’t leave their cars unattended with both doors wide open in a crowded, parking lot.” You’d have thought she might have apologized for her thoughtlessness. Nope. She merely deposited her bag onto the passenger seat, shut the door and huffed her way around to the driver’s side. As she closed that door, the poor man idling next to her, who’d been waiting to pull out, finally did.

What I should have said was: “Darlin,’ it’s obvious from the way you parked that your pre frontal cortex hasn’t fully formed yet. Lucky for you, time has slowed my brain’s processing speed so that I was actually able to avoid hitting your car as I pulled in. Otherwise, you’d be missing the passenger door right now.”

However, when I returned home I actually did something even dumber. Picking up my hand weights, which I use every day; I began swinging them in big, wide, circles over my head. Just as I came down from the first circle, I misjudged the distance (by a millimeter or millisecond?) and the left weight went slamming into the back of my right hand. The hematoma is huge and the pain immense. Apparently, stupidity has no age barrier. None.

 

 

 

 

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BLOCK SENDER!!

sleepy sky

           Last night, I met a man whose daughter was at the Jason Aldean concert in Las Vegas. She had gone with a girlfriend for an evening of fun and celebration. During the melee, her girlfriend was struck by two bullets in the hip and knee. As they tried to flee, she called her dad, and after listening to shots ring out and people scream, the line went dead. He later learned that his daughter was OK but her friend will likely lose her leg.

            We live in a time of terror and instantaneous replay of that terror. The stress it generates in both us and our children can be immense and overwhelming. During World War II, for example, thyroid issues in Americans (mostly stress-induced) more than quadrupled. At the end of the war, those statistics returned to where they had been before the war broke out. 

            But here’s the thing, it isn’t just World Wars or terrorism that cause stress. Living itself can do the job whether it’s anxiety over exams, job performance, marital issues, or merely one’s health. Life, by definition, means destruction ultimately. Aging only adds one more wrinkle to that demise for a blooming rose does not last forever.

            So, while we are here we must learn to keep ourselves peaceful and still in the midst of what is often sheer madness. Yes, we can eat calcium-rich foods, exercise daily, not drink caffeine after 4 PM, go to bed at the same time every night, sprinkle lavender on our pillows and turn off the Internet an hour before bed. But it goes deeper. It means surrounding yourself with people who are joyful and uplifting and avoiding the bitter, negative naysayers. It means ‘unfriending’ those who aren’t really ‘friends,’ or fill their posts with only vengeance and venom. Perhaps true bliss is simply knowing when to, “block sender.” Peace to you, dear readers.    

 

           

PRESERVE YOUR MEMORIES

 

Scrapbooks! 

More than 40 years ago, Simon & Garfunkel recorded a song on their album, “Bookends.” It was a minute and a half piece about a photograph that said, “Preserve your memories. They’re all that’s left you.” How were they so wise at only 27?

I am a hoarder of memories. For 50 some years, I have lugged boxes full of photos and memorabilia from as far back as 1880 when my Great Granny was born. I have newspaper clippings from the 1920’s, all the way through to my youngest’s recent 21st birthday. Right now, I figure that there are 140 years on my dining room table. I even found the receipt from my first dinner date with my husband! That’s a lot of ‘baggage’ to carry around and yet? Mostly, it’s a treasure trove of lives fully lived over many generations.

 For the last several weeks, I have culled through the photos, letters, articles and cards of those many years. I am making scrapbooks so that my children might enjoy looking at them one day. Yes, they’re old fashioned but there is something about holding a moment in your hand: the tiny tooth my child first lost, a sketch my grandmother drew of her horse at 16, the letter my great grandmother wrote to her daughter when she married.

 Of course, there are many pictures of people that I do not recognize at all. There are even pictures of ME that I don’t recognize as me. There are also cards and letters from people whose names I don’t recall either. But I’ve decided that it really does not matter what you can’t remember. It is what you cannot forget that is important. So, capture and hold your memories for the generations behind you yet to come.

 Don’t wait until dementia sets in to tell your story. These days, there are many ways to preserve your past from homemade videos to personal historians who can capture your life stories for generations to come. Here is one site from a friend of mine: https://www.perfectmemoirs.com. Bob Dylan once said, “Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.” Well actually, if you make a scrapbook, you almost can!

THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

tarantula

This cute, furry-legged fellow ambled across our deck a few weeks back. Any rock climber would envy his ability to ascend a vertical face. What? You don’t think he’s cute? That’s the funny thing about the mind, isn’t it? One persons’ fascination can be anothers’ terror.

 This morning at Trader Joe’s, I met a charming, very talkative, older man. We discussed our interest in healthy foods, scorn for Big Pharma and concern over the opioid epidemic. As we spoke, a woman with wrinkly skin, hideously, tattooed legs and dyed, pinkish, red hair stood listening nearby. She smiled at me a few times to reveal a mouthful of missing, broken and discolored teeth. Suddenly, he noticed the woman and his eyes lit up so brightly you’d have thought he was seeing his firstborn for the first time.

 “Oh! I want you to meet Janet, my beautiful wife of 49 years!” he exclaimed beaming with pride.

His exuberance must have rubbed off on me, for at that moment, I found her as beautiful as he did! As we spoke, she even seemed to radiate. Mindset is everything, isn’t it? How we ‘see’ a thing makes it what it is. And that initial perception affects our choices, decisions, moods and ultimately, even our futures. Aging is like that. For some it is a feared reality. For others, it is merely the next adventure.

Recently, I read an article that said that, ‘being mature’ and ‘being old,’ are two, very separate things. These were listed as, ‘signs of maturity’:

  1. Understanding that aging is a natural part of life and accepting it.
  2. Being alive to the wonder you experienced as a child.
  3. Paying attention and learning from others who are aging well.
  4. Not trying to ‘be young,’ but wearing your age with pride.
  5. Appreciating how little you know.
  6. Accepting that others’ faults are no worse than your own.
  7. Realizing that few of your beliefs/ideas originated with you.
  8. Being at ease with your imperfect life.
  9. Making a will, arranging for death and then getting on with life.

 When I first read the list I thought that I was pretty ‘mature.’ However, after meeting that couple this morning, I have decided that I need to add another sign of maturity to that list: 

  1. Finding beauty in ALL creatures, eight-legged and otherwise.

 

DON’T NUKE…..CUKE!!!

cucumber

If you think that today’s 20-something is, “irresponsible” and “doesn’t consider the future,” get this: People over 50, and there are 76 million of us, don’t either. In a recent survey, fully ¾ of us said that we have profound worries about aging. Our top two concerns are, “losing our independence,” and “being a burden” to our family. The participants were then asked which on a list of 10 things they would be willing to put into place to address those concerns.

Here is the list:

  1.  Have family or friend move in with them.
  2. Move in with children, other family members or a friend.
  3. Rely on your spouse, family member or a friend for care.
  4. Attend an adult day care facility.
  5. Hire an in-home aide or agency for care.
  6. Hire a live-in caregiver.
  7. Move into an assisted living facility.
  8. Move into a nursing home.
  9. Make modifications to your home.
  10. Use the value in your home (your equity) to pay for care.

Dare I tell you how many of us seriously considered those options let alone said we’d be willing to put them in place?  About 20%.  Stanford professor, Douglas Bernheim, recently did a study called, “The Baby Boomer Retirement Index,” with Merrill Lynch. He discovered that only about 1/3 of Baby Boomers have saved enough money for their retirement years. This, despite the fact that most of us feel we, “will maintain our same standard of living in our later years.” Are we victims of, “magical thinking?”

Quite frankly, I have friends who have planned out their funerals better than they have their aging futures. Which brings me to the cucumber. Did you know that sniffing the scent of one can relieve anxiety? Indeed, a recent study put claustrophobics in an elevator reeking of cucumbers and their symptoms were relieved! Dr. Alan Hirsch, renowned for his work with various odors declares that he can even cure migraines with the scent of green apples.

So don’t worry about the future. When we all get too old to take care of ourselves and run out of money or find ourselves in long-term care cubicles, just spray our rooms with cucumber and we’ll be happy campers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

GOTTA HAND IT TO HIM

 

hand

As I was getting out of the pool today, a little boy sitting on the top step looked me up and down and said matter-of-factly:

“You’re squishy!”

“Squishy?” I repeated.

“Yes, squishy,” he said.

Now I may no longer have my 20-something body but I would hardly consider myself squishy. So I plunked myself smack down next to him and said:

“Exactly how am I squishy?”

He looked me up and down again, then changed his mind:

“No,” he said, “you’re not squishy. Actually, your crumbly.”

“Crumbly? Do you mean I’m crumbling?”

“Oh, no,” he said thoughtfully. “Just crumbly.”

“Where am I crumbly?” I asked him.

“Hmm…your face and on your hands.”

I opened up my hands.

“No, he said, on the back of your hands.”

I turned my hands over and saw all the freckles and age spots.

“Oh!” I said delightedly, “You mean I’m wrinkled and getting old?”

“Yes!” he squealed, as if I finally understood him.

“Well, guess what?” I said.

“What?” he said excitedly.

“I’m going to get even older and older and older and. . .”

“Then you’re gonna die!!” he yelled out with great enthusiasm as if he’d just completed the punch line to a joke.

“Yes, I will,” I replied a bit taken aback. “Does that bother you?”

“Oh no,” he said, “That just means that your human life will be over and then it will be time for your spiritual life to begin.”

“I see, and how do you know so many wise things?”

“Well, I am four and a half,” he said solemnly, “Life goes on and on and is always changing. Old things go out and new things come in.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. But will you do me a big favor?”

“Sure,” he said.

“Next time you see me, will you call me ‘speckled’ instead of ‘crumbly’?”

“Speckled?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes,” I said, “Speckled. Just think of me as a speckled egg.”

“A speckled egg?” he laughed. “That’s so funny. Okay. You’re a speckled egg!”

Well, I figure that’s better than being squishy and crumbly. 

 speckled egg

 

A WORD TO THE WISE IS NOT SUFFICIENT

lunch

The FDA, “responsible for public health,” approved pesticides on crops in the 40’s,  birth control pills with life-changing, side effects in the 60’s, and Celebrex in the 90’s, which is now in the middle of a class action suit, and had Frances Kelsey not intervened, Thalidomide would have been approved for pregnant mothers in the 50’s as it was widely used in Europe.  A recent Harvard study says that even our everyday drugs, like Benadryl, sleeping pills and antihistamines contain diphenhydramine, which has recently been linked to Alzheimer’s and certain cancers.

 What was once touted as ‘healthy’ even 10 years ago, is no longer, ‘safe for human consumption.’ Whether it’s mercury in our fish and vaccines, chemical sprays on our fruits and vegetables or the cancer-causing ingredients like BHA, Parabens and Retinyl Palimitate in most of our skin products, we are contaminated–and not just by misinformation. However, the real guilt here lies not just with the FDA.  It really belongs to those scientists and researchers on the payrolls of big food and drug companies; the ones that cleverly present only portions of their findings and err on the side of those who grease their palm.

 The FDA has always approved, so many rat feces, hairs, fly eggs and maggots per pound of grain. Even frozen blueberries, “can contain up to 60% mold and include up to 10 insect parts and larvae, per 500 grams.” Ground spices like cinnamon have been found to contain the deadly Hantavirus, found in mouse excrement.  It gets worse.

 You know those metal, amalgam fillings in your mouth? The ones that your dentist told you were, ‘perfectly safe,’ 40 years ago? Well, they’re not. Over time, they corrode and all that mercury finds its’ way into your bloodstream and wreaks havoc. Many believe that it is responsible for everything from gut to mental disorders. My husband had his removed and wanted me to follow suit. Well, I’m still debating. Why? Because how do I know that 10 years from now ‘science’ won’t discover that his replacement fillings are even more deadly?

 In 5th grade, my class visited a ketchup factory. While my classmates admired the bottling process, I wandered out to where the trucks were unloaded. Thousands of pounds of tomatoes sat open in those trucks and they were quite a sight, only I wondered why they looked so green. That’s when I noticed that they seemed to be moving! They were covered by thousands of green worms!

“Oh, honey,” the foreman laughed, “Don’t worry!  Those are just cutworms. We boil them until they’re completely dead!”

 Anyway, it’s time for lunch. Here’s a picture and the recipe for mine:

big fistful of raw chopped spinach–fistful of my homegrown sunflower sprouts–1/2 cup cottage cheese–large, vine ripened tomato–artichoke hearts–hearts of palm–black jumbo olives–handful of raw pecans–1/2 sliced avocado–big drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and the delightful juice of one, entire lemon–with a dash of pink, Himalayan salt if I’m feeling terribly decadent.