Photo: This headless lizard was dropped by a hawk on the pavement in front of me as I entered the pool. Foreshadowing?
Recently, I went to a new pool to swim laps. I saw that Lane #3 was empty, so I got in and began swimming. Halfway down, a big guy began powering straight at me! We both stopped and looked startled at one another.
“Um, would you mind sharing with another guy instead of me?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, and left. (This is not new behavior on my part: 20 years ago, when Ashton Kutcher asked to join my lane, I suggested he do the same. He was just as gracious. (Of course, the girl next to me thought I’d lost my mind.)
When he left, a white-haired woman in the adjacent lane began yelling at me.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she barked. “He’s been swimming in that lane for over an hour, and you just got in and told him to get out!”
“No, he got in my lane,” I replied, “and I asked him if he would mind moving.”
“Are you crazy? You got in HIS lane. Are you just stupid?”
Now, I stopped sharing a lane years ago. I’ve had too many bad experiences, from getting kicked in the stomach while pregnant to being struck by a fin that left a three-inch scar on my shin. I’ll wait half an hour just to get 15 minutes to myself.
Meanwhile, the witch was loudly telling those around her, that I had, “jumped in the lifeguard’s lane and told him to get out.” Everyone within earshot began staring at me. Each time I finished a lap, she bit my head off again:
“Are you blind? How could you NOT see he was swimming there?”
“How dare you tell him to get out of your lane!”
“You shouldn’t even be allowed to swim here.”
Confused and embarrassed, I began to doubt myself: Did I really get in his lane? But I never do that. How could I not see him? Granted, my eyesight isn’t what it used to be but am I that blind? She was SO adamant, that when I finished, I went straight to that lifeguard.
“I’m so sorry I got in your lane,” I said. “Somehow, I just didn’t see you.”
“Oh, no worries,” he smiled. “Actually, I got out to pee and get a drink. When I jumped back in, I didn’t even look. It was totally my fault.”
If a stranger can make me doubt myself in mere minutes, imagine what a partner or business associate can do to someone over the course of years? Or consider what can happen in a police interrogation when you’re under duress? It took me 17 minutes to make my ‘false confession’ to that lifeguard. Hopefully, you wouldn’t have folded. Maybe you’d even have flipped her noodle over!
P. S. Turns out, the witch is there every day. So yesterday, I introduced myself and said, “Hi, I’m Helen, I think we got off to a rocky. . .” She cut me off mid-sentence continuing her diatribe. When she finally paused, I told her what the lifeguard said. Did she apologize? Nope. She simply turned her head away as if I didn’t exist. Maybe she’s deaf?
AGEFULLY AGING 
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