LIGHT IT UP

As a therapist, I’ve seen my share of suicides, psychotics, schizophrenics and other tortured souls: Men and women abusing each other or themselves. Couples with unrealistic expectations of their partners. Addicts unable to stop using drugs, eating food or watching porn and a populace that has seemingly lost its’ purpose.

Recently, a teenager told me that she was ‘too old to change.’ Too old? She has a lifetime ahead of her. If she’s lucky, she’ll get to reinvent herself many times over. Many of us don’t just live lives of quiet desperation, we feel STUCK in them. The irony is we’re not stuck at all. We just THINK we are. We can emerge from our various cocoons as different creatures!

In the last 7 years, I’ve changed my name, my city/state of residence, friend group, political party and religious affiliation. I’ve learned pickleball, taught myself the ukulele, had both knees replaced, two cataracts removed and after retiring, went back to work. Last year, I completed three college courses in order to renew my license. At 72, I’m not done learning—or changing– by a long shot.

Our brains start to solidify by age 25, when our neural pathways become well-worn into grooves. Change is still possible after that, but it takes concerted effort. The key is to create new pathways in your brain to break apart those stuck ones. The older you get, the harder it is to break free of them. If you want to change anything, though, these three things are crucial:

1. Focus on what you want to change. Whether it’s losing weight, learning French or starting over from scratch, start small and keep it simple. (Writing a book? Start with one paragraph a day).

2. Create the right environment: eat healthy, sleep deep and move often. (Even the finest seed can’t sprout in barren soil).

3. Repeat/ practice doing the ‘new’ thing, over and over—and over. (It takes me hours of practice just to change chords fluidly with my arthritic fingers).

Some of my older clients are reluctant to leave their homes. Sometimes it’s due to physical issues but often they’ve forgotten their options and feel stuck in place. Even if they think of things to do, they’re hesitant to do them alone. So, I suggest, “Walk to the mailbox. You might meet a neighbor.”

There are 1,440 minutes in a day. It only takes a few of them to try something new—or hard—or even seemingly impossible. The more you do the more you can do. The more you can do, the more freedom you’ll have. No one’s asking you to climb Mt. Everest blind but even that is possible! You don’t need to burn the candle at both ends—you just need to light it.

“What’s within you is stronger than what’s in your way.” –Erik Weihenmeyer—the first blind person to climb Mt. Everest.