- Pay cold, hard, cash to look like anyone but yourself: dye your hair, get a hairpiece, inject Botox, have plastic surgery—the works. Then take a good look in the mirror–naked.
- When you wake up in the morning, pay attention to every single ache and pain—then proceed to medicate.
- At all costs, do NOT exercise. Why shake things up? Things are already shaky.
- Don’t clean the house, do laundry or clean out the car. What’s the point? No one’s coming over and you aren’t going anywhere.
- Whatever you do, don’t strike up conversations with strangers or smile at people you pass on the street. It might lead to something.
- Don’t shake hands with anyone at anytime. You might get germs.
- Do not play Jeopardy, work the crosswords, put together a puzzle or anything remotely connected to stimulating your brain. It will just give you a headache.
- Absolutely refuse to get or use a computer. They are full of viruses.
- Do not listen to music, particularly the new stuff. It’s mostly ‘noise’ anyway and there is no reason to keep up with young people.
- Spend your entire day watching TV and if you do talk to someone, be certain to complain about something.
That should do it.