DO WHAT YOU CAN

My grandmother impressed upon me early to, “Always do what you can when you can do it.” While that advice has helped me accomplish much, it has also put me in some pretty awkward positions. Take today for example:

There I was in the women’s bathroom at Whole Foods taking photos of a 40-something, dyed-blonde with a spectacular figure squeezed into, ‘I-can-barely-breathe,’ jeans and a slinky sweater. She was spread-eagled across the tile wall smiling sexily towards the camera. And there I was, squeezing the shutter of that camera.

We had met just minutes earlier when she started up a conversation by the sink. Turns out she’s recently divorced and just met a guy online. “He asked me to text him a butt shot. I need to send him one in the next 5 minutes, though, or he won’t ask me out.” (Yes, I looked around for the hidden camera.)

“Would you mind taking a few?” she asked, handing me her cell phone. 

Utter loneliness was etched in her eyes. This was not the time to remind her that a man should love you for who you are, not how you look. “Of course not,” I replied casually as if I do this sort of thing often. Since Granny also said, “Always do your best”, I shifted the blonde more towards the door where the light was better, asked her to drop her right shoulder, and raise her chin. “Now twist your butt slightly to your right. Perfect!” Click. Click. Click.

Just then, the bathroom door burst open, startling us both. The woman entering glanced briefly at the blonde with her butt displayed like a rooster’s tail, then glared long and hard at me as she continued, cautiously towards a stall. Quickly, I handed the girl her phone and dashed for the door. As it closed behind me she squealed, “I don’t know WHAT I would have done without you! You made my butt look SO hot and fine!”

As I scooted down the aisles, picking out overpriced greenery I realize that I would never have sent such a photo of myself to anyone. Still, it made her happy. So, I figure Granny’s advice is good–from any angle–no matter how you look at it. Perhaps she borrowed the quote from Teddy Roosevelt, (the President until she was 9), who said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Although neither of them could have imagined taking selfies on a cell phone back then.