DON’T FENCE ME IN!

From Paris to Poughkeepsie, this is a common sight: upheaval in sidewalks due to tree roots. Each time I stumble over one, I wonder why anyone would plant a tree in such a tiny spot, surrounded by cement. If you take something wild and confine it, expect problems. The same goes for people. If you put restraints on them, expect blowback. Even as a kid, hearing Roy Rogers sing, “Don’t Fence Me In,” made total sense to me.

Recently, I was backstroking at the pool when my arm smacked something hard. I jerked to a stop. A woman had entered my lane without letting me know and swam straight right into me. When I asked her what she was doing, (and I wasn’t sweet about it), she said, “Well, I was going to say something to you, but you don’t swim all the way to the end.”

I don’t go all the way to the end because it makes me feel caged. Instead, when I’m almost there, I start back. It gives me the illusion of being a mermaid in the ocean. Had she waited even 60 seconds, she would have seen that I backstroke every other length. But she didn’t. Sure, this is a small thing, but it says big things about the choices we make and why. So, let’s look closer:

1. Because I didn’t conform to how she thought someone should swim a lap, she got in my lane without letting me know or even watching where she was going.

2. She could have spoken up to get my attention or walked to the side I was facing.

3. She could have asked to join any one of the other 6 lanes which had only one swimmer, but she didn’t.

4. When the two of us collided, she said it was my fault because we have, ‘lane sharing.’ It didn’t occur to her that ‘sharing’ involves some mutual communication first.

This kind of thinking shatters relationships and starts wars. (Indeed, I felt like smacking her, but of course, I already had.) Instead of waiting to give the other person the grace and space to be who they are, we try to micromanage or control them. If that fails, we simply run them over. (Think ICE, Venezuela & Iran.)

I once had a fortune cookie which said: “You do not have to know where you’re going to be headed in the right direction.” The same can be said for heading in the ‘wrong’ one. Just ask Trump as he merrily launches wars across the globe—boat strikes in Latin America, missile strikes in Nigeria, Somalia, Yemen, Syria and Iran—(am I going too fast?)—and listen to him sputter.