LOVE IS BLIND

I just helped my 65-year-old client set up his first, online dating profile. Sadly, he stayed long past the expiration date of his marriage and is now starting over. Meanwhile, my youngest daughter has attended more weddings this year than I’ve been to in my lifetime. Statistically, 45% of those unions will end in divorce. That’s why I encourage couples to keep things simple. Pouring money into a single day is foolish. By year five, you’ll be kicking yourself.

Coupling is tricky and perhaps the reason folks Google “love” about 1 million times a month. What they forget is that ten years after walking down that aisle, they will not be the same people. They will change and so will their circumstances. Like tectonic plates, we are constantly shifting. Sometimes the shift is manageable. Other times it causes an earthquake. According to marriage experts, Julie & John Gottman, 69% of all marital conflicts NEVER get resolved!

When people marry, they often assume their partner will fulfill all their needs and that leads only to disappointment. The best unions are between two, independent people, not enmeshed ones. Good partners offer freedom and provide companionship, not a death grip. Interestingly, if you marry a man who loves his mother, your marriage stands a better chance of working. The same holds true for women and their fathers.

In the TV show, “Love is Blind,” contestants talk to prospective partners behind a wall which keeps them from seeing each other. After 10 days, some propose marriage and a few are shocked when they finally see their intended. It makes for good TV, but it’s not a great way to find love. I’m with Plato who said, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” (Platonic love is named for him.)

Love really IS blind. Every partnership requires a leap of faith. There is no conceivable way to predict your future bliss or doom. You put on the ring and then? You shake the dice and hope for the best. Whatever you do, don’t stay in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy. Get out there like my client. You won’t be alone. 50% of the population is presently single!