bruised hand

 Aging causes us to lose our brain-processing speed. Typically, we lose a tenth of a second of brain speed per decade from age 20 on. This minute change is very difficult to notice, even for the most tuned-in individuals, because aging occurs at a constant rate.

Well, I may have lost 45 milliseconds of brain speed in the last 45 years, but I am NOT as slow-brained as the 20-something woman who parked at Trader Joe’s this morning. Not by a long shot. I ask you, who parks a brand new SUV and leaves BOTH the driver’s door and the passenger door WIDE OPEN??

Unfortunately, after circling around, the only spot available was next to this car. So, carefully I pulled in, hugging the right line of my parking spot. I kept looking for the driver but there was no one in sight. As I squeezed myself out, a voice behind me suddenly shrieked: “Oh My God! You parked so close to my car!!!”

I turned to see a young woman holding a, single, grocery bag in her hand. For a moment I was flummoxed. Finally I replied: “Well, unlike you, Dear, I’m parked well within my spot. Intelligent people don’t leave their cars unattended with both doors wide open in a crowded, parking lot.” You’d have thought she might have apologized for her thoughtlessness. Nope. She merely deposited her bag onto the passenger seat, shut the door and huffed her way around to the driver’s side. As she closed that door, the poor man idling next to her, who’d been waiting to pull out, finally did.

What I should have said was: “Darlin,’ it’s obvious from the way you parked that your pre frontal cortex hasn’t fully formed yet. Lucky for you, time has slowed my brain’s processing speed so that I was actually able to avoid hitting your car as I pulled in. Otherwise, you’d be missing the passenger door right now.”

However, when I returned home I actually did something even dumber. Picking up my hand weights, which I use every day; I began swinging them in big, wide, circles over my head. Just as I came down from the first circle, I misjudged the distance (by a millimeter or millisecond?) and the left weight went slamming into the back of my right hand. The hematoma is huge and the pain immense. Apparently, stupidity has no age barrier. None.







  1. You were nicer to that cow than I would have been. You know me…I’d have let her have it!! Both barrels. Lol. I would have said: ‘Hey you unconscious twit…the world don’t revolve around you. You’re gonna pay a high price in life if you can’t check your ego.’

    Snort. Bwahaha


  2. With people like that it usually doesn’t do much good to point out their transgressions. Worth a try, though. Hope your hand is feeling better.


  3. Tempting to let this self absorbed person have it, but glad you refrained. Now more than ever we need to exercise civility, and to invite people to think. Practicing the Golden Rule doesn’t mean we should be doormats. We can speak up AND show there’s another choice: how to be responsible and considerate.
    And, thanks for illustrating how NOT to use hand weights!


  4. OUCH! Hope you feel better soon. No fun! Wishing you more focus into the present moment and less chance of accidents. I find that although it slows me down, I need to focus very keenly on the action I am taking, so I don’t I break, drop, or damage something.


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