TOP TEN CLUES YOU’RE NOT A KID ANYMORE

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Everything hurts and if it doesn’t you’re just waiting for it to.
“Your Body is a Wonderland,” in every sense of the word. Skin has gone south from your forehead to your ankles leaving a series of tiny, folded wrinkles that you can move around willy-nilly.
Instead of tanning, you become covered with a splash of brown spots right out of a Jackson Pollock painting.
Your teeth get bigger but your mouth gets smaller. (This is likely purposeful so that you will chew better and eat less).
Everyone you see driving is entirely too young to be behind the wheel.
You ask people on the phone to “speak up,” often more than once, and you still don’t know what they said.
Complete strangers routinely ask if you have grandkids.
Your mailbox is filled with ads for retirement homes, nursing facilities and funeral companies.
You’re always looking for ramps.
You can actually make a smiley face with the extra skin around your knees! (Test this by lying on your back and raising your leg in the air.)