The day I told Granny I was going to marry a young man I had met at a bus stop, she didn’t balk and exclaim, ‘You met him WHERE?’  She didn’t ask me what he did for a living.  She didn’t even ask me what he looked like.  She really only gave me ONE piece of advice:  “Remember, Dear, never expect a man to fill all of your needs.” * ‘Sure thing,’ I thought to myself.  That’s simple enough.  Right?  Wrong. 

     Though I didn’t know it then, I was walking into wedded bliss with a slew of needs that I didn’t even know I had!  It started with the toilet seat.  I needed it to be down when I stumbled into the bathroom in the dead of night and had to go.  I did not expect to suddenly be submerged in a porcelain basin filled with cold water!  I needed to be able to walk into the closet and not smell dirty socks.  I needed to know when I looked in the refrigerator that the carton of milk sitting brightly on the shelf actually had enough milk inside to pour a whole glass, not a measly, few, tiny drops.  The same went for the cereal in the cupboard.  For some reason, it never occurred to my new husband to put his dirty socks in the hamper or simply eat that last cracker and throw the box away.  He never even considered writing down a shopping list if he used up something.  In fact, of the hundreds of lists I have made over the years, he may actually have only taken a few of them with him when he’s gone shopping. 

     Last week we celebrated our 30th anniversary–not because we don’t still argue over stupid little things–not because we agree on everything–not even because we still love each other.  Last week we celebrated our 30 years together because we really know what it means to not expect the other guy to fill all of our needs.  That was the advice given by my grandmother, the one with Alzheimer’s, who lived with us for 13 of those 30 years.  (*Excerpt from, “Kissing Tomatoes,”


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